Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
