at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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