Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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