If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
