im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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