I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
