One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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