you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
