It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
