so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have already put on my inside pants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
