We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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