Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
