I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
