It's Friday. Sex?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
