It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there was a trapeze. enough said
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
