We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
