wat bout pragnant strippers??
she woke up with a sticky ear
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
