Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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