Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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