maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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