dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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