I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
