I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
