Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
