Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
