last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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