Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
