I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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