Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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