dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
