I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
