Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
