you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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