I am puke
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
