If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
