That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
