I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
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We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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