hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
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That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.