if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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