Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.