Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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