she woke up with a sticky ear
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
