Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
