She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
