my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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