I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
