not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
