unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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