They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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