Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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