So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
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Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
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I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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