seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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