im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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