im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
