I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
