i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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