Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
