barbara walters just said penis...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
