Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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