The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
