It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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