My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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