It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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