Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
