it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
