Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There's a naked man in my car right now.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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