Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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