My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
