what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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