It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We had to coat check the pizza.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
