Porn is love you can see.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
