Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
