Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
