KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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