Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize