Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're a waste of cheezeits
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
