Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
