I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
