Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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