its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
