My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He has the fingertips of a God
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