You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
