I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
