Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
