just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
