we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
