So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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